i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
