I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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