haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize