Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
