Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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