i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize