we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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