So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You took a bar mat shot.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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