Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
