it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
