Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
