I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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