So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
