I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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