Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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