It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
