I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
