How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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