So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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