i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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