I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
