Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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