Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
