Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
