I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
