I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Houston, we have a squirter
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
