wakey wakey hands off snakey
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
