i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
