i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
