textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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