hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
