I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
