Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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