I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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