Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
