You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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