Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
