dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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