it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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