Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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