FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize