you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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