I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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