i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
