You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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