just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
