you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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