Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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