I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
