# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
