as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
MIDGETS
????
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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