it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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