There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
