dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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