If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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