This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
