this beer tastes like vomit already
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
