just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
