I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
