If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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