also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
