so that wasnt chicken after all
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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