ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
