I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just had sex bonerless
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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