Just fell off a train. Bad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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