he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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