my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
