I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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