First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
