i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
