guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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