I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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