Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
