May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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