i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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