My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
