i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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