well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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