When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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