last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
