How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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