Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dignity is for republicans.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize