he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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