i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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