Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
