walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
