I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize