i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
