You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
