At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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