If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
