Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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