once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
